


Therapy

by Who_the_hell_is_Tre_Cool



Series: Song fics [1]
Category: All Time Low (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys In Love, Drunk Sex, Eating Disorders, Heavy Angst, M/M, Misunderstandings, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Songfic, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, boys crying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-24
Updated: 2018-10-24
Packaged: 2019-08-07 00:33:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16398035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Who_the_hell_is_Tre_Cool/pseuds/Who_the_hell_is_Tre_Cool
Summary: 'When Alex woke up, his tongue felt six times bigger and his mouth felt like it was full of sand.Swinging his legs out his bunk, Alex pushed the curtain aside, and half-stumbled out, making his way to the kitchen area to get a drink.He only realized his mistake after entering the room, and then it was too late to go back.Only one other person was awake.Jack.'[Songfic based on Therapy. ]





	Therapy

**Author's Note:**

> Read the tags this is a massive ball of angst what am I doing.

_(My ship went down in a sea of sound. When I woke up alone I had everything:)_

 

Sunlight streamed through the curtains, golden beams hitting Alex in the face, causing him to slowly stir from his slumber. The white hotel sheets around him were rumpled, half on the floor. He stretched out, yawning, hand knocking something on the bedside table. He sat up slowly, squinting in the glare of the sun and berating himself for not closing the curtains. Glancing at the bedside table, he noticed that the thing his hand knocked had been a glass of water. Beside it sat a small, white pill that he recognised as a painkiller, on top of a scrappy piece of paper. He took the painkiller, and unfolded the paper it had been sat on.

**‘ _Hey Alex. I left you stuff to help with your hangover. I’m sorry for what happened. –Jack’_**

_(A handful of moments I wished I could change and a tongue like a nightmare that cut like a blade.)_

He frowned a little, until the events of the previous night flooded back into his brain.

The haze of alcohol, the rush to get to the hotel room, Jack’s lips against his own, a hand up his shirt.

The sudden gasp as Jack pulled away.

Deep brown eyes staring at him, but not with lust, just curiosity, a spark of worry. Jack had slowly removed Alex’s shirt, revealing the body beneath it.

“Why did you hide this from us?” Jack had said.

“I didn’t hide it, there’s nothing to see.” Alex had responded.

Jack had frowned, the spark of worry igniting into a small, calm flame that Alex wanted nothing more than to destroy. At least there was no pity. Pity was the worst.

“We can get you help,” Jack had tried.

“I don’t need help.”

And God, Alex believed himself. He didn’t need help. He was an adult; he could make his own decisions. He wasn’t sick; he wasn’t dying- no matter how much he sometimes wanted to. He was just making himself look better. More appealing.

And Jack had left, saying he wouldn’t come back until Alex got better, but he’d still be there for him, which was stupid and didn’t make senses and Alex wanted to be angry. He’d gotten mad as Jack left, words had been said. Jack just looked sad.

 

_(In a city of fools, I was careful and cool, but they tore me apart like a hurricane...)_

 

Alex was almost late to bus call. He was just lucky that he hadn’t really unpacked the night before, so he didn’t have to rush to pack everything before running downstairs and barely get there in time.

He stepped onto the bus and headed straight to his bunk, completely ignoring Zack and Rian. Jack wasn’t there. He definitely didn’t notice that. When he got to his bunk, Jack’s curtain was closed. So Jack had got here early. Huh.

 

_(A handful of moments I wished I could change, but I was carried away.)_

Exhaustion clung to his mind despite having just woken up, and his brain felt a little fuzzy. He probably shouldn’t have taken that painkiller on an empty stomach, but it was only one, and it wasn’t like it mattered.

He wasn’t planning to overdose. He didn’t actively try to kill himself, but if it happened, it happened

 

_(Give me therapy. I'm a walking travesty, but I'm smiling at everything.)_

When Alex woke up, his tongue felt six times bigger and his mouth felt like it was full of sand.

Swinging his legs out his bunk, Alex pushed the curtain aside, and half-stumbled out, making his way to the kitchen area to get a drink.

He only realized his mistake after entering the room, and then it was too late to go back.

Only one other person was awake.

Jack.

 

_(Therapy... You were never a friend to me, and you can keep all your misery.)_

“Alex, I think we need to talk.”

Alex froze for a second, before continuing his path to the sink. Making a non-committal noise, he grabbed a glass and got himself some water.

Suddenly, Jack was stood in front of him.

Warm, tan hands gently wrapped around his own, gently taking the glass and placing it on the side.

“Lex-“

“Don’t worry about me, Jack.” Alex attempted a smile.

Jack looked suspicious, but said nothing other than: “Wanna play Mario Kart?”

Alex nodded, accepting it.

 

_(My lungs gave out as I faced the crowd.)_

Bright, flashing lights.

Blinding colors.

Alex felt sick. But he kept going.

Screaming his heart out to the fans was always a thrill, no matter how he was feeling, it helped him to expel all his negative emotions.

He voice faltered on a couple of words, going breathy as a spell of dizziness overtook him.

Jack gave him a concerned look, but he barely registered it as black started clouding his vision.

He stumbled a little, heard the rest of the band cut out.

A buzzing filled his ear and he fell to the floor, the black cloud completely filling his view.

 

_(I think that keeping this up could be dangerous.)_

“Lex? Can you hear me?”

“We need to get him to hospital-“

“-ambulance on its way-“

“-backstage-“

“-don’t worry the fans-“

 

_(I'm flesh and bone, I'm a rolling stone, and the experts say I'm delirious.)_

“Hey Alex.”

White.

White all around.

He’d barely opened his eyes and it was already blinding.

Alex groaned softly, blinking, gradually opening his eyes. Looking around a little, he realised he was in a hospital room. Jack, Zack, and Rian were sat around him.

“Wha-“ He tried to ask what happened, but dissolved into a coughing fit.

Rian handed him a glass of water, and helped him sit up as he helped him take small sips.

 

_(Give me therapy. I'm a walking travesty)_

“You collapsed on stage,” Zack said, breaking the silence that had enveloped them.

Jack spoke up, although he wouldn’t meet Alex’s eyes, “The doctors say you’re malnourished. They-“ Jack choked a little, and Alex realised he was crying.

Zack picked up while Rian comforted Jack.

“Lex, how long have you had... An eating disorder?”

 

_(But I'm smiling at everything.)_

“I-I don’t-“

“Don’t lie to us Alex. We want to help you.” Rian piped up.

Alex raised his voice a little, “I don’t have an eating disorder! I’m fine!”

 

_(Therapy... You were never a friend to me. You can take back your misery.)_

There was a member of his band beside him at all times. They took turns keeping him company.

It was Jack who was with him the day a nurse came in and told him he was being assigned a therapist. And that he was on suicide watch.

“I’m not suicidal!” Alex protested, but Jack and the nurse were already sorting  out an appointment.

 

_(Arrogant boy, love yourself so no one has to.)_

Off tour was possibly even worse than on tour.

At least on tour, Alex had his friends around to distract him. Off tour, he was alone.

No one was there to distract him.

 

_(They're better off without you, they're better off without you.)_

The cold faucet pressed against his back.

The water around him was beginning to cool but it didn’t matter.

He dragged the slim, metal blade over the pale flesh of his arm, hands trembling a little but not enough to stop him.

He’d cut down on food, hoping Jack would notice him. Make himself more appealing.

But he’d messed that up, twice now. It was clear Jack didn’t want him.

A small smile fell upon his lips as the blade slipped out of his hand and the darkness once again, flooded his vision.

 

_(Arrogant boy, 'cause a scene like you're supposed to. They'll fall asleep without you. You're lucky if your memory remains.)_

Alex slowly woke up. He was laid in bed, which confused him a little. He opened his eyes- yep, definitely his room.

He rolled over onto his side, yelping at the sudden pain in his arm.

“Alex-“

And there was Jack. Suddenly, Alex remembered everything.

The bath. The blood. The hazy face that he’d seen as he drifted through the darkness. Jack.

Then, a warm body was pressing into bed beside him, and hands were on his face.

“Lex, you scared me so much-“ Jack was crying, and Alex felt his own tears welling, blurring his vision.

 

_(Give me therapy. I'm a walking travesty, but I'm smiling at everything.)_

A kiss to his cheek. A kiss to his forehead. Jack was pressing kisses all over his face.

“I thought you didn’t want me-“ Alex managed to choke out, through his tears.

More kisses, all over his face, “No, God no, Alex- I was so dumb. I shouldn’t had left like I did. It was a mistake. I just didn’t want to hurt you-“

Alex just clutched Jack’s wrist, and let the other boy talk and apologize and eventually lull him to sleep.

 

_(Therapy... You were never a friend to me...)_

 

_(and you can choke your misery)_

**Author's Note:**

> Comments mean the world to me!


End file.
